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The time has come and you are ready to "pop" the questions to your potential bridal party.
And so, you begin...
Will you, Sara, be ready to attentively listen to the trials and tribulations of my wedding planning over, and over, and over again?
Will you, Kathy, spend over $400 on a dress, shoes, accessories, bridal showers, spa packages, travel expenses, gifts (for me), and some other surprise expense that will no doubt crop up?
Will you, Lisa, swear to smile and look happy when I make you buy and wear a dress (which you will never wear again) that makes you look 20 pounds heavier, five years older, and will expose areas which have never seen the light of day?
Will you, Tina, my fabulous maid-of-honor, promise not to yell at my mother when she decides that the bridal shower should be a "Victorian" karaoke tea party instead of a "city" chic soirée with vodka martinis and delicious Baluga caviar?
The answer, almost always, is an ecstatic "I do!" and "I will!"
Why are your friends so eager to put themselves through this? Well, because they love you and they are honored,
or they made you go through the same thing while they were planning their own wedding, or maybe they are just plain crazy.
No matter what the reason, make sure that their experience will evoke cherished memories rather than broken friendships.
The truth is, being a bridesmaid these days is no picnic. Today's weddings are very different from weddings 50 years ago
or even 15 years ago. Brides are savvier and of course, the wedding industry is much larger. Brides have more
options, which sometimes translates to a bigger expense and a more elaborate production. What does this mean to the
planning bride? Not much, except that she should be especially conscious and appreciative of what she is asking
her bridal party to do. Consider the following questions before "popping" the question to your bridal party.
Do They Want To Take On This Important Role?
Before you choose your maid of honor, talk to her regarding her feelings about being in this role.
Does she hate being in the spotlight or have trouble with careful planning? If that is the case, she will
probably thank you for not choosing her as the maid of honor, rather than get upset. Many times,
since the question of being a maid of honor is popped without warning, the candidate has little time
to think about it and give you a considered answer. Approach the question slowly and be sure she will
want to answer yes before you ask.
Expenses, Expenses, Expenses!
Do you know that an average of $400 is spent by each attendant in a wedding? Many times, it is much more,
and considering all the things that the bridal party has to pay for, there is little surprise that sour
feelings can develop and financial issues become major reasons for dissolved friendships. Some brides are
so immersed in the "BRIDAL PLANNING ZONE" that they forget their wedding is not the center of
everyone's attention or bank accounts. Some weddings become extravagant affairs that do not reflect the
financial lifestyles of their bridal party.
As I mentioned, modern weddings are expensive. If you are a planning bride, make sure your
maid of honor and bridal party can afford to be in your wedding. Although the bridal party is
traditionally responsible for the cost of their attire, offering to help pay expenses is always a
welcome gesture. If necessary, pay for the shoes, travel expenses, or dresses. Some bridesmaids
may tell you it is not necessary, and others will truly appreciate the gesture. Don't choose
expensive gowns if you know half of your bridal party won't be able to afford them. If you don't
think you can afford to help pay for all your bridesmaids, opt for a smaller bridal party. Be
realistic and honest with yourself about your wedding planning. Just because you or your parents
are ready to go into debt for the wedding doesn't mean your bridal party will feel the same way.
Thank-You's and Presents
Be true to your Maid of Honor and the rest of your bridal party by thanking them from the bottom of your
heart. This means staying away from e-mails and e-greeting cards. Hand-written
notes with bulleted items of why you love them or why you cherish their friendship can work wonders.
Hand-made gifts or even surprise "just because" gifts will be remembered and appreciated.
Send a bouquet of their favorite flowers or cookies once or twice during the time you're planning your
wedding. These gestures of appreciation and love will let them know that you appreciate and understand
the special place they occupy in your life, not just your wedding.
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